It’s no secret we guys are obsessed with our junk. From having the biggest to knowing how to use it best, there’s no wang-related goal we’re not desperate to hit. But what if you’re worried that you might be shooting blanks? Fear not. It turns out all you need to increase your sperm count is to hit the fridge and grab one of these dong-empowering wonder foods.
10. Dark Chocolate
It’s a scientific fact that dark chocolate is to women what cat nip is to cats. That is to say, a primordial obsession. But did you know it works wonders for guys too? Specifically, it’ll work wonders for your guys. Dark chocolate is bursting with amino acid L-Arginine HCL, which does to sperm what spinach does to Popeye. Not only that, but it supposedly increases orgasm intensity too. Now you know why men traditionally give their girlfriends a bar or two on Valentine’s Day.
Speaking of Popeye, it turns out the dude was more than just strong. He probably had the highest sperm count across the whole seven seas. Spinach, like most leafy green vegetables, is rich in folic acid. Knock folic out of your diet and it’s like taking an axe to your testicles. Your poor sperm will become weaker, slower and significantly fewer.
By contrast, stuffing your face with a daily dose of spinach will leave you firing off live rounds like Al Pacino at the end of Scarface. No wonder Olive Oyl stuck with her sailor man.
You can tell bananas will be good for your junk just by looking at them. That’s why God decided to shape them just like a wang, so we’d all know exactly what they were for (or just to make us nervous about eating one in public). Because bananas aren’t just good for your sperm. They’re great.
Bananas are basically concentrated lumps of vitamin A, B1 and C, three things guaranteed to boost sperm power, health and productivity. They also contain the enzyme Bromelain, which increases your sperm count like crazy.
Ah, the humble carrot. You probably remember your mom telling you to eat them because they’d help you see in the dark. We hate to say it, but that’s just a myth. No, the real, secret reason your mom made you eat all those carrots was to secure herself some grandkids one day. See, carrots are basically wonder food for your sperm.
This is thanks to their carrying an insane amount of vitamin A. As you’ll remember from the last entry, vitamin A gives your sperm all sorts of boosts. It’s also found in red bell peppers and oatmeal, in case you need to vary your diet.
6. Red Stuff
You know what’s really great for male fertility? Red stuff. Foods that look like someone has chucked red paint across them. Foods like tomatoes, guavas, watermelon, papaya, grapefruit and red peppers. Foods that contain the miracle that is lycopene.
In 2014, a study found that foods containing lycopene, which helps give stuff like tomatoes their red color, could boost men’s sperm count by up to 70 percent. Even if you’ve only got a handful of lonely sperm swimming around your sack, wondering where their friends went, that’s a tremendous increase.
You may have heard someone ask ‘what did the Romans ever do for us?’ We think we’ve stumbled across the perfect answer. They were the guys who figured out oysters are essential to a bed-shaking sex life.
Not only do these humble sea creatures send your sex drive through the roof, they’re loaded with enough zinc to open their own sperm factory. Zinc is an essential building block of sperm, and having a ton of it in your body will increase your count by staggering levels. Experts advise trying eight in one evening and seeing how things go from there. Just prepare yourself to deal with broken bedsprings and neighbors complaining about all those screams your girlfriend was letting rip with.
Nuts are super-healthy in general, and many of us snack on them regularly. You may want to up your intake even more. According to study after study, nuts are basically God’s gift to sperm. Basically, give more nuts to your sperm, and your nuts will give more sperm to you.
Walnuts in particular are winners. A 2012 study has shown that 75g per day is enough to send levels of sperm vitality, motility and morphology through the roof. This is due to the abnormally high levels of polyunsaturated fatty acids in nuts. Almonds and peanuts, too, can help strengthen your boys’ swimming team.
Then there are Brazil nuts. Packed with Selenium, these guys will give you a testosterone kick that’ll push your body to produce more sperm naturally. What are you waiting for guys? Go nuts!
The words ‘fungus’ and ‘genitals’ are not ones you’d ideally like to hear in the same sentence. But make no mistake, eating fungus in the form of mushrooms will make your genitals’ Christmas come early.
Mushrooms of all varieties are stuffed full of vitamin D, a vitamin that improves all aspects of your sex life. Its main bonus is that it helps blood flow in the penis, improving your erections, or even getting rid of erectile dysfunction altogether. But it can provide a much-needed boost to your sperm, too.
Of course, if you live in California, you’ll be getting enough vitamin D from the sunlight anyway. For those of us who live in the cold, icy north (lookin’ at you, Canada), mushrooms put the ‘fun’ into ‘fungus’.
Omega-3 is one of the most-popular fatty acids on Earth. The lists of its benefits are long and include everything from lowering your risk of heart attack to boosting your levels of arousal before sex. They also include helping your sperm count.
A study in Human Reproduction concluded that men who eat oily fish rich in fatty acids have higher quality semen than men who skimp on Omega-3. This means more sperm that are all better at doing what they’re programmed to do: racing to that egg and fertilizing the heck out of it. Tuna, mackerel or sardines will do the job, but we recommend a nice big portion of salmon.
1. Red Meat
A totally non-scientific poll we just conducted in our own heads has proven what we knew all along… men love red meat. For most of us, there is literally nothing better than heading home after a hard day’s work writing lists for the internet to a rare steak, a cold beer, and then some fantastic sex. And now you have a scientific reason to do so, too. Turns out red meat is spectacular for your sperm count.
Red meat contains the nutrient L-carnitine in crazy-high doses. This little miracle nutrient has been proven to increase sperm count and motility drastically. In especially good news for anyone struggling to conceive, the greatest increases came in men who had low baseline levels of sperm. Want to get your wonderful wife pregnant? Cook the two of you a great big steak dinner before you get down to business.